Visiting Teacher - that's me

Visiting Teacher - what does it mean?  I've been assigned my list of Sisters and their families to visit, along with a companion Sister.  Now what?   Connecting with companion sister in an effort to coordinate schedules with her and how to go about setting up the visits.  She agrees to phone the sisters and set up appointments, we agree to a date and so it's on ... my first experience (in this context anyway) with visiting teaching LDS style.

I'm inserting a video here that I viewed today .. After  .. my day long experience earlier this week with my companion sister in visiting teaching sister families.  As I watched the video, I enjoyed laughing at the different ways to short cut in visiting teaching experiences and then somewhere about 3/4 into the video a shift in direction happened and what had been amusing examples became something else, and my laughter shifted to tearing up and crying.  My husband, sitting across from me on his laptop, engaged in his own online endeavors, looked up in surprise to ask me what was wrong, and I found it impossible to explain that while nothing is wrong, I also cannot explain why I am crying.  He was touched and moved that I was touched and moved.  Some things just really don't have words in the moment that explain or describe the emotion/feeling level.  If the video moves you in similar direction, maybe you can add a comment as to how you experienced the video.  My post will resume after the inserted video.

Resuming my post.  I receive surprise phone call at end of the month from one of the sisters, and I recognize her name.  She announces she along with her companion are to be my visiting teachers.  I'm taken off guard, didn't expect the reverse, with sisters visiting me in my home.  It's a bit of a drive from town to our outlying community, and I go into immediate concern for the cost and time factor for the sister.  I know, I know - - that's not my piece to be concerned about, even so, I am startled by how quickly I shift gears to having concerns about her.  Explaining that this month has been all about family visiting us and us visiting them, we aren't going to be available this day nor likely till next month.

 I'm also a bit taken aback as I have one of those quirky things about people visiting my home which I consider my sanctuary and safe place from the rest of the world.  Okay, I think to myself, I can manage this - once a month, the sisters will call in advance, it will be fine.  After all, we have had the Home Teachers, the Missionaries, Relief Society President, and drop by visit from member couple who live in the community -- much more visitation than I'm use to having in my home.  Typically our social connections (unless immediate family) are conducted outside of our home, making this a bit of a different approach to me to have people in our home.  I'll adapt.  Interesting.  So, once a month visits from 'my' visiting teachers might actually be kind of fun.

Meeting up with my visiting teacher companion, she has scheduled our visits with our families to take place most of one day.   We meet up and get started.   She gives me a bit of overview of each family, and I'm pleased she has phoned them to arrange the scheduling as they will know her whereas it is  unlikely they would know me.  It is a good easing into it arrangement for all parties.

First visit, an elderly couple, her Mr. having health difficulties and they have an in home care worker who gives Mrs. some respite.  She uses that time to get done her personal things that are not about caring for another.  Good arrangement for all, I think to myself.  She is very focused while still being quite gracious about getting our visit completed so she can move on with  the other things she has scheduled for this respite time.  I recognize from having seen them at church on Sunday meetings that she is also supportive to her daughter and daughter's first born baby.  

Second visit, a blended family.  Mr. has health difficulties to the point of being disabled, therefore Mrs. is the primary income-producer in this family.  Both have children from previous marriages as well as their children together.  He has had a couple of earlier marriages and is heavily invested in characteristics leading to his disabilities.  Mrs. seems okay with the nature of their relationship, has substantive enough earnings, does lean on church resources.  

Third visit, grandparents caring for one of their children's children.  Mr. and Mrs. long term marriage, hardy couple, retired from their respective employments, have seen a lot of living and life situations, seem strongly independent.  As they are advanced enough in years, it is astonishing to me that they have taken on 5 children this late in their own lives.   

Fourth visit which did not happen that day will involve a long time married couple in the midst of divorce. 

Fifth visit happened accidentally with a social visit on Sunday with elderly couple members who live in our outlying community.  Another couple, long time friends of theirs and new grandparents, had stopped by and we all shared a pleasant visit.  Recognized Mr. as Counselor to Bishop and when he is sitting in the front, looks quite forbidding to me.  Learned from his wife that he is actually very shy and the talk he gave a few Sundays ago was the first talk ever that he has given.  That completely changes the picture for me, and in the future as I see him sitting in the front by the Bishop, I will not register his composure as forbidding, rather a degree of discomfort.   As it turns out Mrs. is one of the families I've to home visit, she received phone call while we were there from my companion sister to set up appointment, inquires of me if I have been called to be visiting teacher; yes, I reply; and she tells me to consider this visit as a home visit, says does not need anything.   

My sense of the visiting teaching experience is strongly colored by my former career as social worker, and making home visits are not foreign to me.  I sense a need to find a proper blend and balance with my honed skill set nudging me in a pattern familiar to me to assess family situations in line with church resources.  In my mind there might be a small challenge for me in recognizing and appreciating this is a membership community not as comfortable with community or government resources, preferring instead resources as outlined by the church.  

Summer Time, Social Time

What has happened since I last posted to this blog in July?   Lots.  Summarizing.

July we attended Pioneer Picnic at church member's home, that home being on a large property bordered by a creek.  Sunny day, casual fun. July also is the month of my birthday and my oldest daughter's birthday, and we made arrangements for family weekend get together with stay over at cottages on the ocean.  Another 3rd Sunday in teaching the lesson in Relief Society for me.  I did a stand in for vacationing teacher for a Primary class for a couple of Sundays.  Fortunately for me, the lesson plan was about Missionaries, so I invited the two Missionaries into the class to share their experiences with the children.  Afterwards we did a make believe with the children being missionaries visiting potential investigator.  They had some fun defining who would play what role.

My husband was taking a stint as stand in for the vacationing Primary pianist.  I rather knew where he was going with that and sure enough, after a few weeks he was given that 'calling', releasing the woman who had held that calling for 3 years.  She was pleased with the respite.  I understood, and also felt he had abandoned me to the Sunday School sessions.  I use the word abandoned because I still have many questions about the manner in which this church chooses to interpret New Testament gospel.   I'm struggling with finding the established protocol for asking the questions respectfully, and in meaningful way without it being a challenge to the Teacher or confrontational or contentious.  Sometimes though, things need to be said aloud, and I'm still struggling some with saying such things in a tone that reflects respectful dialogue.  My husband knows much about my viewpoints and I have appreciated having him sitting next to me in the Sunday School period.  Now I am sitting alone, and feeling like he rather abandoned me before I was ready to be alone in that particular class.

Still July and we participated in a community meeting regarding the potential closing of a Dept. Social and Health Services Community Service Office in our area.  Resources our community can ill afford to be without, and with a senior aged population, the geographical terrain to get to another region is prohibitive. It is part of our activism efforts to alert the community and encourage their participation in keeping the much needed community resource office.

August was all about my husband, his birthday coupled with his retirement at end of the month.  Birthday celebration, retirement celebration, getting all those last minute preparations completed to transition health insurance, pension, medical and dental visits, paperwork processing.  An unusual event did happen in that four of his children arranged a surprise get together for his birthday/retirement.   Another 3rd Sunday in teaching the lesson in Relief Society for me.

Moving into September and Labor Day celebrations with our new friends in another Ward who come up annually for Memorial and Labor Day camp outs.  I felt moved to give my first 'testimony' at the first Sunday Fast and Testimony service to thank Sister A. for the helpful way she explained her understanding of Priesthood as an office separate from the men.  Somehow her explanation of how she viewed it clicked with me as I have had problems with the separate roles of male and female in this church, males seeming to hold the 'authority' type roles, which is contrary to my experiences in the world working side by side with men holding jobs with equal responsibilities, holding supervisor positions instructing men in their responsibilities.  The structure in this church has felt like steps backwards in time to the pre-feminist era of the gains women made in the 1970's with the galvanized feminist movement. While many have tried to reassure me that women do not hold subservient roles in this church, and are in fact, highly regarded, I still see that as having limitations for women in the expectations for women's roles in this church.  I hope to expand in sharing my thoughts on this at another time.

His sister from Utah came for her annual week visit.  Our schedule that week had several social activities, joining our out of town friends in a camping dinner, an evening wedding and reception of  young members of our Ward, and we had been asked by the Bishop to attend Stake Conference, he to play piano, me to sing with our impromptu 'choir'.  Also our Ward was to provide dessert for the Stake Conference, about 300 people.  We had a quick practice after services Sunday before Stake Conference weekend.  He sat at piano and we, as the improvised choir surrounded him at the piano.  All appreciated his playing, and the choir leader (she does have a degree in music) showcased him by asking him to play the third verse of the song with the trills, twinkles and extras that he does that makes the music more than a straightforward hymn.  His talent and ability as pianist is well regarded and I think our Bishop was eager to showcase him at Stake Conference.  Sure enough, he played beautifully and many came up to thank him and express how taken they were with how he played, something he possesses within himself that makes itself known spiritually in how he plays the piano, and it resonates strongly with people when they hear him play.  I know, I have heard it often from many who wish to express to me how they react and respond to his music.

I'd say August into the first week of September was the month of my husband.  And I'm pleased, happy, and take pride in his humility that indeed, this has been his moment.

Granddaughter to visit at our home this week.  We will spend a few days at my mother's home, supporting her as she deals with a medical procedure. We will be spending weekend with my son and his fiance, then a day with his son as they put together music for his daughter's wedding at end of the month.   It's been a summer filled with family and social activities. As the Autumn season makes it's way, we will close out the summer having experienced fullness of spirit with loving friends, family and our new church family.  New chapters ahead in our lives with him retired now, and us with new opportunities as well as new challenges straight ahead.

A Calling, Home Teaching, Visiting Teaching

Last Sunday I was given my first 'Calling'.  What does that look like?  The Ward Bishop asked to speak with me, asked my husband if he would mind, to which my husband, with a big smile on his face, shook his head no and said go right ahead.  Because my husband already knows how much of this works, he was amused, lovingly so, but amused nonetheless.   The Bishop asked if I would agree to being called to be a Relief Society (R.S)  Teacher (once a month, third Sunday, even numbered lessons).  Ahh, sure, I can do that is what I said.  He talked with me a while longer, and my questions for him were along the lines of being very new to these doctrines, I was very likely to be more off track than on track in 'teaching' anything.  I have no wish to offend the sisters.  He encouraged me with some instruction in how this church conducts situations in which 'discussion' is encouraged and  some methods to ensure it remain gentle, loving discussion.    Okay, so this is my new function in R.S. meetings, and I already envision the sisters teaching me more than I would be 'teaching' them.  I'm both flattered and also mildly amused as this may be a gentle, loving method to get me up to speed in learning some of the doctrine of this church.

Tuesday night my husband went out with another male member of the church to complete 'Home Teaching Visits' to the families assigned to them.  Better that he should write or talk of his own experiences, these are not new to him, new to me as his newly baptized wife, but not new to him at all.

Wednesday night R.S. President visited me at my home to help orient me to my new function (calling).  There will be the usual formalities on a Sunday where it is announced and followed at some point by a process of 'setting apart'.  My first 'teaching' experience will be this Sunday, using the manual/book the church uses and the lesson will be on tithing.   How fitting since I still have personal issues to work through with the concept of tithing.  She and I  talked some about how I viewed tithing, especially in relation to my prior employment and the impact on families at lower end of economical scale, for which this county is particularly known.   What is the difference between a church requesting a collection and a church requesting a tithing?  Well, there is to be the crux of my 'teaching' this Sunday in giving this lesson.

She also asked me if I would be willing to be a Visiting Teacher.   Home Teacher, Visiting Teacher ...  I hear these words used frequently, and haven't figured out which is which, why, and functions.  She explained that Home Teachers are male (priesthood) who visit the family and Visiting Teachers are women who tend to the women.   I agreed to participate as a visiting teacher.  Since we are located some miles from the town served by the Ward, and we are down to one vehicle temporarily, I had some concerns about time frames.  She explains that the visiting teaching can be done by phone calls, letters, or home visits.  Another sister who lives in our little village does her visiting teaching by phone calls.

Thursday night, we had Home Teachers visiting us at our home.  Awkward as that feels to me, it went fairly well in that it was more of a get acquainted visit.  I was pleased that both of the men have formal professions one as superintendent of the local school district, and the other a retired college counselor.  I'm not going to say I was altogether comfortable with the visit, given some of the topics and at one point one made use of the word 'liberal' somewhat disparagingly.  It quickly became clear though, that his intent was in a different direction related to his professional field, and perhaps not aimed at those of us who may hold and cherish our 'liberal' views.  I wanted to be entirely honest and forthcoming in my belief set, the story of my husband's return and my reasoning for baptism into this church in sharing information about us with them.  The discussion took on a respectful tone, a sharing that I found useful, and the discussion soon shifted away from topics that are not yet comfortable for me.  As I explained, I am not a 'convert' in the traditional sense of the word and bring with me my own testimony of faith which is steadfast irrespective of the differences in doctrinal teachings.  There are aspects of this religion that I much respect, and aspects that I am not likely to value as much.  I prefer to set my own pace, and not be instructed as to what I need to or should believe, nor the manner in which to express my beliefs, although I see learning the Mormon vernacular and the symbolic definitions as relevant to shared communication.  It was a good visit, and I think I shall appreciate their future visits as appreciable opportunities.

It has been an interesting week.   I can feel myself softening a little, pulling down some of the walls.  Given that my orientation to the LDS religion has been from an unfavorable vantage point from several directions, understandably I have adopted a somewhat defensive position.   It does indeed appear that these are caring people who do have an interest in caring for one another.  I'm not yet sure that the established methodology for how the members care for each other is in the best interest of the individual or the best interest of the organization.  My thinking is that it is in best interest of the organization, rightly so, with the bigger challenge being addressing the individuals as to their best interests when those interests conflict with the organizational interests.