It is real enough...

What has transpired with us since last I made a blog entry?  Catching it up with brief  outline.  A visit to the Friends (Quakers) services in nearby community.  It is as is described, sitting quietly with others for 45 minutes, contemplating and no sound.  Brief sharing at end of service.  We tried, we really did, and the service just didn't resonate strongly with us.  I feel like we have done a fairness in completing our explorations of other churches, church services, church communities.

 January was our wedding anniversary month. The first part of the month, I came down sick with flu or winter cold or some kind of bug that was going around the county where we live.  I was down pretty much from Christmas day through the first two weeks of January.  Arthur went to Ward services Christmas weekend, and when members asked where I was, he explained I was home sick, not eager to share the germs with the members.

We had invitation to attend Christmas dinner with one of the member families and when she learned I was home ill, she said they would bring Christmas dinner to us.  Oh, not, please, that is just too much kindness on Christmas day.  The family has children, live about 1/2 hour away and I felt that would just not be the way for them to spend Christmas Day. I phoned her to dissuade her from coming out and I was anxious not to share the germs with her family.   Her husband answered and was okay with the change in plans but not before offering to drive out with a meal for us, staying in the car and having Arthur come out to pick it up.  Of course I said No, this was just too much, more so given that it was Christmas Day.   Nonetheless, their act of willing kindness has left a very strong, indelible imprint on me.  I'm just not used to this brand of sharing willingness.

I teach the lesson in Relief Society on third Sunday and it had snowed in the county that particular Sunday.  Church services cancelled.  We don't get snow here very often, and if we do, it's for about a week at the most.  Yes, I know we are indeed wimps here in Western Washington when it comes to snow. I didn't have to give the lesson that Sunday and wasn't sure how it works for the following Sunday -- carried over or a pass.  It was a pass.    

January - our wedding anniversary month.  My husband and I shared and enjoyed couple time together most of the month, and could not have planned anything better than this intimate time together, just the two of us in our beach house in a winter month.

We are well into February now and my collection of Mormon related library books have been stacked on the coffee table while I read through parts of them.  Terryl Givens 'People of Paradox, A History of Mormon Culture' (I like it), Grant Hardy 'Understanding the Book of Mormon; A Reader's Guide'  (reading the Book of Mormon as literature), Fawn Brodie 'No Man Knows My History' (don't know what that big controversy was about .. for me it was an informative and helpful biographical of Joseph Smith), and a start on Richard Bushman 'Rough Stone Rolling' (didn't get far into it - enough reading on Joseph Smith, letting some of it digest).    By far the book having the most impact for me was reading Samuel Morris Brown 'In Heaven As It Is on Earth; Joseph Smith and The Early Mormon Conquest of Death'.

As it turns out, this Sunday it was my assignment and I gave the 3rd Sunday lesson,  from the George Albert Smith manual; topic - 'The Prophet Joseph Smith, God's Instrument in Restoring The Truth'.   It feels to me like all that reading will pay off in helping me to give the lesson in a manner conducive to my own interpretation via the lens of George Albert Smith talk on the matter.  

We had invite to dinner at the Bishop's house with his wife and another couple from the Ward last Sunday.  We spent the entire afternoon and well into the evening with them.  This Sunday we had invite from another family at the Ward, spent the afternoon with them, dinner, movie, and participated in their Family Home Evening with their children.

The Ward had a talent show on Saturday, and we spent enjoyable evening with member families.  Arthur provided a piano medley, which was well appreciated.  I showed three of my paintings, which were also well appreciated.  The greater fun was watching the youngsters share their talents, and we were particularly looking forward to a solo performance by one of the boys we knew had been working on his musical contribution.  We had driven out to his home the night before to do a run through with Arthur to accompany the boy in his solo hymn 'Nearer My God To Thee'.  They did their practice which brought another invite from the parents that we stay for dinner.  This is the same family who had offered to drive all the way out to our home bring Christmas dinner to us.   One more time we had to turn them down and couldn't stay for dinner; we were expected at the Ward for clean-up duty as we were on the clean-up crew that week.

Also this week I had Visiting Teaching spent time visiting some of the Sisters.  Arthur had Home Teaching last week.   Having now captured the events, in no way does the writing capture the flavor of what is happening to me inside.  And frankly speaking, it feels too personal to write about.  For the record, though, it is the people of this Ward with their continued kindness, outreach, genuine enjoyment of us, sharing so much of themselves with us and their willingness to embrace us into their church and personal families that has me in studied wonderment.   While I feel like I have seated the logical elements, ie, church historicity, doctrines, beliefs and practices, well enough in my head (innoculated), the contradiction is in finding so much genuine kindness among the people.

For me this walk into this Church has taken a serious turn and I'm afraid of it.  I am finding that I am wanting more of this, yearning to keep moving forward into the life, and less about leaving substantial room to back out in case it erupts in my face.  If it does, well it does, and somehow I don't think it will.  If it does, what has been and is real enough is that these are authentic relationships at this point.  And they know I am not one of them, they know I am not even a 'convert' in the traditional sense of the word.  They know me for who I am, what my beliefs are, and should there be some kind of eruptive disruption in the future, what is happening now is real enough.

The online  Facebook discussion communities of members who are in various stages on the continuum in their faith walks are of great help to me in seating my own walk.  For me it is fluid, it is moving, it has not remained static.  I'm rather pleased that I began this blog as something I can look back on in retrospect to see what my perspective was, is, and will become.  As of this writing, as of today, as of now, it is real enough.  It is more than a religion, more than a belief set, and I don't yet have the words to write or describe it as it fits for me.

Visiting Teacher - that's me

Visiting Teacher - what does it mean?  I've been assigned my list of Sisters and their families to visit, along with a companion Sister.  Now what?   Connecting with companion sister in an effort to coordinate schedules with her and how to go about setting up the visits.  She agrees to phone the sisters and set up appointments, we agree to a date and so it's on ... my first experience (in this context anyway) with visiting teaching LDS style.

I'm inserting a video here that I viewed today .. After  .. my day long experience earlier this week with my companion sister in visiting teaching sister families.  As I watched the video, I enjoyed laughing at the different ways to short cut in visiting teaching experiences and then somewhere about 3/4 into the video a shift in direction happened and what had been amusing examples became something else, and my laughter shifted to tearing up and crying.  My husband, sitting across from me on his laptop, engaged in his own online endeavors, looked up in surprise to ask me what was wrong, and I found it impossible to explain that while nothing is wrong, I also cannot explain why I am crying.  He was touched and moved that I was touched and moved.  Some things just really don't have words in the moment that explain or describe the emotion/feeling level.  If the video moves you in similar direction, maybe you can add a comment as to how you experienced the video.  My post will resume after the inserted video.

Resuming my post.  I receive surprise phone call at end of the month from one of the sisters, and I recognize her name.  She announces she along with her companion are to be my visiting teachers.  I'm taken off guard, didn't expect the reverse, with sisters visiting me in my home.  It's a bit of a drive from town to our outlying community, and I go into immediate concern for the cost and time factor for the sister.  I know, I know - - that's not my piece to be concerned about, even so, I am startled by how quickly I shift gears to having concerns about her.  Explaining that this month has been all about family visiting us and us visiting them, we aren't going to be available this day nor likely till next month.

 I'm also a bit taken aback as I have one of those quirky things about people visiting my home which I consider my sanctuary and safe place from the rest of the world.  Okay, I think to myself, I can manage this - once a month, the sisters will call in advance, it will be fine.  After all, we have had the Home Teachers, the Missionaries, Relief Society President, and drop by visit from member couple who live in the community -- much more visitation than I'm use to having in my home.  Typically our social connections (unless immediate family) are conducted outside of our home, making this a bit of a different approach to me to have people in our home.  I'll adapt.  Interesting.  So, once a month visits from 'my' visiting teachers might actually be kind of fun.

Meeting up with my visiting teacher companion, she has scheduled our visits with our families to take place most of one day.   We meet up and get started.   She gives me a bit of overview of each family, and I'm pleased she has phoned them to arrange the scheduling as they will know her whereas it is  unlikely they would know me.  It is a good easing into it arrangement for all parties.

First visit, an elderly couple, her Mr. having health difficulties and they have an in home care worker who gives Mrs. some respite.  She uses that time to get done her personal things that are not about caring for another.  Good arrangement for all, I think to myself.  She is very focused while still being quite gracious about getting our visit completed so she can move on with  the other things she has scheduled for this respite time.  I recognize from having seen them at church on Sunday meetings that she is also supportive to her daughter and daughter's first born baby.  

Second visit, a blended family.  Mr. has health difficulties to the point of being disabled, therefore Mrs. is the primary income-producer in this family.  Both have children from previous marriages as well as their children together.  He has had a couple of earlier marriages and is heavily invested in characteristics leading to his disabilities.  Mrs. seems okay with the nature of their relationship, has substantive enough earnings, does lean on church resources.  

Third visit, grandparents caring for one of their children's children.  Mr. and Mrs. long term marriage, hardy couple, retired from their respective employments, have seen a lot of living and life situations, seem strongly independent.  As they are advanced enough in years, it is astonishing to me that they have taken on 5 children this late in their own lives.   

Fourth visit which did not happen that day will involve a long time married couple in the midst of divorce. 

Fifth visit happened accidentally with a social visit on Sunday with elderly couple members who live in our outlying community.  Another couple, long time friends of theirs and new grandparents, had stopped by and we all shared a pleasant visit.  Recognized Mr. as Counselor to Bishop and when he is sitting in the front, looks quite forbidding to me.  Learned from his wife that he is actually very shy and the talk he gave a few Sundays ago was the first talk ever that he has given.  That completely changes the picture for me, and in the future as I see him sitting in the front by the Bishop, I will not register his composure as forbidding, rather a degree of discomfort.   As it turns out Mrs. is one of the families I've to home visit, she received phone call while we were there from my companion sister to set up appointment, inquires of me if I have been called to be visiting teacher; yes, I reply; and she tells me to consider this visit as a home visit, says does not need anything.   

My sense of the visiting teaching experience is strongly colored by my former career as social worker, and making home visits are not foreign to me.  I sense a need to find a proper blend and balance with my honed skill set nudging me in a pattern familiar to me to assess family situations in line with church resources.  In my mind there might be a small challenge for me in recognizing and appreciating this is a membership community not as comfortable with community or government resources, preferring instead resources as outlined by the church.